any skipping tracks
Rachel laughed and nodded. “Yes.” She answered simply. When he said she was going to be fine, she didn’t quite know why, but she believed him. Maybe it was the way he said it. But she trusted him. She glanced at him and gave him a small smile as he continued speaking. It was the closest thing she’d get to an apology from him. But she’d take it. “It’s understandable, Sam.. I’m not upset..” She lied. She didn’t need to sit there and make him feel worse about himself. She just sat in silence as he finished. Was that even a real question? Of course she wanted him there. She’d spent two months without him, and it was killing her. He was good company, and hilarious, what could she say? Even if their personalities clashed occasionally, she still enjoyed being around him. It was a good feeling to her. He had a quality about him that made him somewhat enjoyable, even when they were at each other’s throats.
Not even thinking about what she was doing, she sat up on her knees, and leaned toward him, wrapping her arms around him for a hug. She didn’t even think twice about it. “Of course I want you to be here. She’s yours.. adoption or not. It wouldn’t be fair of me to cut you out.” She muttered. She didn’t want to let go of Sam yet, so she just hugged him in silence. Maybe she was being a bit overdramatic, but she wouldn’t be Rachel Berry without dramatics. After a few minutes, she let go, and sat back. Clearing her throat, she looked at her bed. “I hope you’re ready to deal with a lot of freaking out, because I’m getting to that point of constant worry.” She warned him. It was only fair. She tried not to think ahead too much, knowing she’d scare herself if she did.
His initial thoughts upon entering Rachel’s dorm that day was that she was going to slaughter him, so he was a little taken back when she wrapped her arms around him in a hug. It took a second to get over the shock and actually wrap his arms around her. It felt nice to have her there, in his arms, like she belonged.. It was weird and when she held the hug for a few moments longer he went to awkward ‘there there’ type patting on her back, unsure how exactly to react to her gesture. “Rach, I’ll be here for you as long as you want me to…” He said not wanting to inconvenience her, but genuinely wanting to be there for her. He knew that as the pregnancy approached the final months she was going to need someone there with her. Originally he’d though Puck would be the better person for her, but he knew after seeing her, he was wrong. She needed him just as much as he needed her, and honestly it was nice to be needed. Adoption was going to be hard, they didn’t really talk about it in detail. Just the simple things, the baby would be born then boom adoption. They’d talked about screening potential parents making sure no nut jobs were raising their child, but it’d be a while since they last talked, for all he knew Rachel already found a family. When she finally let go he smiled, because it wouldn’t be the Rachel he knew without constant worrying and the occasional freak out. “Don’t worry, I’ve actually missed your constant freak outs, high light of my day really.” He said with a teasing smile on his face.
She sat in silence, staring at her stomach. She felt so awkward. When did she ever feel awkward? She bit her lip, and listened to him talk. She felt a little smile form on her face. Oh, the infamous bacon cheeseburger. “I can’t control my cravings.” She shrugged. This was definitely his way of saying he did, in fact, miss her. They had actually gotten to know each other over the time they spent together. She knew almost everything about him by this point. His favorite junk food was Cool Ranch Doritos, he worked out and obsessed over his body way too much, his diet was insane, and Rachel was pretty sure she got sick when he listed some of the food he ate. Chicken, brown rice, fish but not salmon, and nothing after seven.
Rachel guessed it was because of the pregnancy, and for some odd reason, she pictured it being mixed all together in a blender. She also knew he was a big fan of Justin Bieber, though he’d never admit it. She’d gone through his ipod one day out of boredom, discovering the songs. She teased him about it forever. She knew littler things, like the way he would try to be pissed off at her sometimes, when she made an insane request, like going out to get a bacon cheeseburger, even though she couldn’t have bacon. One thing she noticed, and couldn’t help but feel her heart sink everytime she thought of it, was the look in his eyes whenever he was upset. She could always tell. He’d gotten that same look that day in his dorm. He was upset.
It was then that Rachel realized how well she did actually know Sam, and how much she missed him. “I kind of miss your constant complaining as you got the food I asked for at three in the morning.” She replied, sitting up straighter. “I still get those cravings.. even more than before.” She informed him. “I just have two more months to go. and then.. I’m going to be having a kid.. I just can’t even believe it…” She told him. Sam was the only one she really felt comfortable talking to about her worries on the baby. All of her ‘friends’ would judge her, and it just didn’t feel right with Puck. He wasn’t the baby’s dad. Even if they were pretending.
“I know.” He replied when she said she couldn’t control her cravings, he’d never admit it to her, not even if she tried to torture it out of him, but he’d recently found himself taking out pregnancy books from the library, trying to understand this whole thing better. They weren’t keeping this child, but someday maybe he’d find someone and want to start a family. He doubted it, he didn’t plan on ever getting married, the only way he’d ever get married was if he was in love with someone, and Sam didn’t exactly believe in that garbage. As much as he wanted to believe in it all, he just couldn’t. He wanted to make a decision that they both wouldn’t regret, someone else would get the baby a better life, he just hoped that someday when they were older they wouldn’t look back and wonder on the choice they made. It was the right one; they couldn’t logically take care of a child, not when they could barely take care of themselves.
Spending time with Rachel he realized things about her, like for one she was a lot more than some girl who ‘got around.’ She didn’t seem to think a lot of herself, but she had to be one of the strongest women Sam knew. He’d never understand how she managed to put up with him, while dealing with this whole pregnancy thing. She could sing, but he’d only heard her from behind the bathroom door. He’d probably do anything for her, which he told himself was because she was carrying his child not because he may have feelings towards her. He’d never act on them if he did, she had Puck and he’d messed up enough things in her life.
“Are they just as gross?” He asked, remembering a few gross combinations she’d made him get for her. Some foods just didn’t go together; clearly being pregnant threw those boundaries out the window. “You’re going to be fine you.” He said referring to the two months, the books said they’d go by quickly, and that made him nervous, two months was not a long time to prepare for this. Apparently children and parents had this like ‘instant bond,’ he tried hard not to get attached and two months away from it all seemed to put him at ease with their choice of adoption, he just hoped she’d be fine in breaking this apparent ‘bond.’ “I shouldn’t have told you to leave that day..” He said not really apologizing as he didn’t tend to do that, but it was close enough for him. “Rachel, If you want Puck to be there, then I’ll just go around pretending like whatever he’s the father but, I want to be here for you… If you want me to that is.” He said looking at her as he bit on his bottom lip.
Rachel blinked a few times, and nodded. “Well, that was nice..” She mumbled, not looking at him. She shrugged. “I’m doing alright… Just.. trying to mentally prepare myself for having this baby…” She told him nervously. It was a major thing on her mind, so she figured she’d go with that. “But other than that, I’m good..” She lied. Rachel was miserable. But she wasn’t going to tell Sam that. She figured she’d be better when she had the baby. Then she’d give her up for adoption, and go back to her normal life. And then someday in the distant future, she’d have another kid, and be able to take care of him or her. It sounded like a good plan, yet at the same time, kind of ridiculous. Her life wasn’t going to be the same after this and she knew it. But it didn’t stop her from believing it while she could.
“Oh, cool, that’s good.” Sam said awkwardly playing with his hands in his lap. He wasn’t sure what to say to her, but he figured he was doing good so far, he’d actually made it over to her dorm, so that was a step in the right direction. From what he could see she didn’t look visibly different, maybe a little bigger, if anything but he wasn’t about to point that out. He missed spending time with Rachel, despite the fact she constantly got on his nerves, she was good company. He tried not to think to much of their child, but he wondered how her last appointments went, he pretended they bothered him but so far he hadn’t missed any aside from the ones she went to in the past month.
“So…” He said not really sure what to say to her, he wasn’t just going to throw it out there that he missed her, not if he couldn’t find a ‘Sam like’ way of doing it. “You know.. I actually almost miss your crazy three am cravings.” He said trying to break the tension between them. “Although, I’ll never forgive you for that stupid bacon cheeseburger.”
Rachel scooted over a little bit, rubbing her eyes. She yawned, and shook her head. “No.. it’s fine..” She said quietly. Rachel hadn’t seen Sam in two months. Well, she’d seen him, but she hadn’t spoken to him, really. They just pretty much tried to stay out of each other’s way. It was the best for them. She looked at Sam, and patted the seat next to her. “You can sit if you want to..” Rachel felt so awkward now. “So how are you..?” She asked, still rubbing her eyes, trying to wake up a little more. She was unsure of why Sam was even here, and wondered where Puck was. But her brain was still kind of sleeping, so she just tried to focus on one thing. What was Sam doing there?
He wasn’t really sure where to begin, or what exactly to say to her. Something Puck had said to him made him want to check up on her, make sure she was okay. He wasn’t one for apologizing, and he defiantly wasn’t going to start now. She patted the seat next to her and his hesitantly took it. “Oh, I’m good.” He said, “I just you know taking a walk in this general area, and I thought I hadn’t really seen you in a while I might as well uh stop by and see how you are doing and stuff..” He said rambling now. “How are you?” He asked, not really sure when things got awkward between the two of them.
Rachel had come home from class that afternoon, and went right to sleep. Her doctors had been encouraging her to be more active, but today, she just didn’t think she could do it. Another thing was added to her plate of worries recently. Graduation. Rachel had always gotten decent grades, but with this baby coming, there was no doubt her focus slipped. Her grades were borderline failing, she was barely making it through. And for Rachel, that was bad. She managed to maintain a B average her whole life, and now she was at a C average, almost not even that. So she decided a nap was best. Escape the world a little bit.
It took her about an hour to fall asleep. Her brain wouldn’t shut up. She settled with stacking pillows around her so she could sleep, since Puck wasn’t there to be her pillow. She wasn’t quite sure how long she’d been out, when she felt someone tap her shoulder, repeatedly. That annoyed the living hell out of her, so when she woke up, fully prepared to go all hormonal pregnant woman, she was not expecting to see Sam’s face. She fell silent, and blinked a few times. “..What are you doing here?” She asked groggily, as she had just woken up.
Sam didn’t exactly have a solid plan formed, he was a little shocked when she didn’t break off all of his fingers for poking her. He took that as a good sign, that maybe she wasn’t in to bad of mood being woken up from her nap, he’d read somewhere pregnant woman needed there sleep… Anyways, he didn’t really know what to say, he was shocked he made it this far. “Oh, Uh, You were sleeping.” He said as if it wasn’t obvious. “If now’s a bad time for you I can come back, or something. I was just in the area, taking a walk, and though I should see what Rachel’s up to, or something, yeah.” He said rambling on. “but if you want to go back to sleep that’s cool.”
“I agree with that one. Pregnant chicks are insane.” He paused for a minute. “The other day she asked me to make her a sandwich with marshmallow fluff and pickles… Weird ass combinations…” He shook his head laughing a bit. “Nah, she hasn’t. Not in awhile. She’s been freaking out a lot, baby stuff ya know.” He frowned. “Did she ever wake up in the middle of the night crying? She does that like every night. Been going on for like a month and a half now.” He told Sam. He figured he could be civil, see how Sam dealt with everything. “She does the same thing everyday pretty much… Wake up, go to class, then she’ll like come back to the room and do her homework and eat and nap. She sleeps a lot.” He told him. “She doesn’t seem happy, but who would? She’s gonna pop in two months. She’s really worried about it.. Hasn’t mentioned anything to me ‘bout it, but she mumbles in her sleep sometimes. A lot of times it’s about the baby, or school.” Puck wasn’t sure why he was still telling Sam everything. He figured he owed it to him, after punching him in the face twice. “But yeah… that’s all, really. She’s sleeping now, actually.. I was gonna go workout a little bit.” He shrugged.
It was weird to talk to Puck about Rachel, usually he’d just walk in grab things and leave, or they’d keep it to just civil greetings and leave it at that. Sam shrugged, he wasn’t really sure what to say to Puck, Rachel sounded miserable. “Thanks.” He said not really sure why he was thanking Puck, “I’ll see you later..” He said waiting for Puck to leave off to the gym. He sat in the room for a few minutes, he could either go back to studying, or maybe see how Rachel was. What was the worst that could happen? He still couldn’t believe it was that easy to just shake her off like that. He actually.. Missed her.
So he figured he’d go ‘for a walk.’ Just get out of his dorm for a little stretch his legs, see were it took him. After roaming around the campus for a little, his feet took him to Rachel’s door. He figured he’d wind up here eventually. Puck said she was sleeping so he knocked on it softly, waiting for her to answer. When she didn’t answer he just let himself in, finding the door unlocked. He always thought she looked more peaceful when she was sleeping. Quite, it was the way he most times preferred her. Realizing that he must look creepy just standing there watching her sleep he went over to the side of the bed, and kneeled down so he could be at eye level with her. “Psstt. Rachel.” He said poking her in the shoulder, not exactly sure were he was going to go from there.
Seven months. Rachel was nearing the end of her pregnancy, and she was freaking out. Two months to go and then she’d be having a baby. To say she was scared, was an understatement. She’d heard plenty of stories about mothers dying while giving birth to their kids. What if she was one of them? She didn’t want that to be her. Her life had changed so much over seven months. Seven months ago, she was the girl all the guys wanted, and got. She was easy. Very rarely would she say no to a guy who wanted sex. And putting out for guy after guy had been doing just fine for her.. Until Sam. She got pregnant. The first drunk one night stand she’d ever forgotten any type of protection. Everything was supposed to happen for a reason though, right? And then Puck came into her life, befriending her. She’d known him before, yes, and then he kind of stuck around. He was now the one taking care of her. Dealing with her crazy hormonal rages, waking up in the middle of the night, going out to get food for her, being her pillow, all of the stuff Sam used to do.
Sam. Rachel hadn’t spoken to him in two months. Not since he told her he wanted out. And just like she promised, she hadn’t bugged him. It still hurt, if she was being honest, but that was only when she thought about it, which she tried to avoid doing. The talking had finally died down, the news of Rachel’s pregnancy being old, and boring. She still got judging looks, but there were less. Puck was amazing with taking care of her, yes, but it just wasn’t the same. Sam had this certain quality about him, that Rachel couldn’t place. She wasn’t the same since she’d walked out of Sam’s dorm.
Puck had come in about an hour later, with Rachel still crying on the couch. He’d asked her what was wrong, all concerned, and she just shook her head, saying it was the hormones, that he had no need to worry. But even as the days went by, turning into weeks, she wasn’t doing better. She couldn’t count how many times she’d woken up in the middle of the night, crying. Puck would wake up too, and just hold her. It didn’t feel right. When he fell asleep with his hand on her stomach, she felt like she was betraying Sam or something. She still wore the necklace he’d given her at christmas, needing a reminder of him once and awhile.
Puck needed to pick up a few more things from his dorm room, and since Rachel was taking a nap, he figured now would be a good time. He could be civil with Sam. Maybe. Dude got on his nerves sometimes. Ever since Rachel’d told him Sam knocked her up, he hated the guy. Rachel meant a lot to him, even if she was going crazy with these pregnancy hormones. He used his key to get into the dorm, and saw Sam there. He nodded at him, and went into his ‘room.’ He hadn’t actually slept there in quite awhile. Two months almost. Once he got his shit together, he figured a little small talk wouldn’t kill anyone. “Yo, Sam.” He said. “I don’t know how the fuck you did it man.. Takin’ care of Rachel.. She’s a lot to handle.” He commented, almost complaining. He never complained in front of Rachel, not wanting to hurt her feelings, but she was kind of a handful.
It’d been hard to ignore Rachel at first, he’d thought about that day over and over in his head, how he could have went with the truth. He wanted her to stay, to be a part of it, not being a part of it the first month had almost stressed him out more then being a part of it. He saw her around school, but he didn’t really talk to her, he avoided her when he could, but that didn’t mean he didn’t wonder. He actually missed her… It was weird but he’d realized it the first night they were back when he was sleeping alone. He thought maybe he just didn’t like sleeping alone, but that wasn’t the case he found as he moved through the cheerleading team. The first month was hard, but the second month he had something else to occupy his thoughts. Graduation was looming over there heads, in just a few months they’d go from high school seniors, to high school graduates. He never thought much about graduation, he figured he’d just get by, and if he didn’t no problem, he’d just do it again or find something else to do. He wanted to graduate now, it was a little late to start caring seeing as he was failing both history and math, but from taking to his teachers, if he made up all the work he missed *cough*failed to do in the first place. *cough* he’d be fine for graduation in the up coming months.
He was working on a math problem, the universe seemed to always want to keep Rachel on his mind in some way. He was reading a problem about Rachel, “Rachel wants to buy.. blahblahblah…she has blahblahblah….something something with x.’ he wasn’t really registering the question anymore. ‘if Rachel wants to buy something why doesn’t she just make Puck do it.” Sam thought frowning at the page in front of him, yeah that was defiantly not the right answer. He decided then it was best to just move on to history.
The door opened, but he figured it was probably Jesse. He didn’t see much of Puck these days. Jesse was there third roommate and he pretty much was in his own little place, it was almost like he wasn’t even there at all. Sam was laying flat on his back with his history book propped up on his chest, as fascinating economics was he peered away from his book, trying not to make a mean face when he saw it was Puck. He went back to his reading, trying to do his best to pretend Puck wasn’t even there. Apparently he was feeling chatty today. He had no right to be mad at Puck, yes this was the same guy who had punched him in the face.. twice.. but it was his call in the end for Rachel to go on and pretend that Puck was the father. Of course he regretted it, but Sam like most boys his age didn’t do well with admitting when he was wrong.
Upon hearing Puck speak he wasn’t exactly sure what the hell he was talking about, until he heard Rachel’s name. Sam knew first hand pregnant Rachel was… a bit of a hassle. At first, dealt with it because he told himself he had to, but eventually it turned into something that he just did because he wanted to. Now he didn’t have to do anything. “I don’t know.” Sam said shrugging. “Pregnant chicks are crazy.” Pregnant chicks are crazy, but Pregnant Rachel is the craziest, Sam thought. “It wasn’t to bad..” looking back on it, it was easier for him to just be there for her then watch someone else do it. Sometimes he thought about trying to fix whatever had gone wrong between the two of them, but that was rare, he didn’t know what she wanted, far as he knew she had exactly what she wanted now. “Hey.. Does she ever… Mention me?” Sam asked feeling dumb for even asking Puck that.
She stopped walking for just a moment, to think about what she said. Sure, she was giving Sam the opportunity to have his life go back to normal, even though hers was ruined, and Puck’s was too, but did she mean it? Would she be able to go on and let Puck’s life be made that much more difficult? But if Sam wanted it that way, she wasn’t going to stop him. She realized she kind of forced him to help her out with all of this. She didn’t give him a choice. But she was giving him that choice now, and she truly hoped he’d jump up, be the guy she knows he can be. The guy who was there, even if he had a bad attitude about it. He still showed up to all the doctors appointments, and made sure she got back okay, apart from the time he’d left her at the diner, but she was over that. She’d had it coming. Being a bitch. He’d gotten up and made sure all of her cravings were fufilled, and she didn’t care that he grumbled about it. Honestly, she’d grown accustomed to Sam being there, and she found she actually enjoyed his presence.
Snapping back to reality, she realized she was just standing there, deep in thought. She faced Sam again, the tears staining her face. She looked him over, and sighed. “Do you really want this? Please, just answer the question with a straight answer. Do you want me to go? Do you want to pretend like this never happened, and that Puck is the father? Look me in the eye and tell me, and I’ll walk out, and never bug you again.” She promised.
She was giving him the option he had wanted all along, to just walk away as if nothing had ever happened between the two of them. He felt like he’d grown up so much over the past two weeks, and now he could just forget about it. Did he, hold on to his childhood and this immature phase? Or accept that things happen, move on and grow up? He was always struggling between being a boy and a man. He’d always claim to be a man, even if most of the choices he made were immature and childish. He didn’t want to watch Puck walk around claiming to be the father, but he wasn’t sure he could accept everyone know that he was. He was ashamed if anything. He wasn’t ashamed of there unborn child, just ashamed of himself and the choice they were going to make. He knew how other people would see it, Rachel Berry, some slut knocked up by that asshole Sam Evans, gave up there child because they didn’t want it.He did want it, and he knew Rachel did too. There was just no way the two of them could possibly take care of a kid. Someday he wanted kids, just not now he was to young, to stupid, no way prepared.
He had no real answer to give her, honestly, he did want to be a part of this. He was trying to think about what would be better for her. Puck wouldn’t argue with her, he’d probably give her everything she wanted, whatever she asked for, he’d be there for her. Sam couldn’t guarantee he’d be there. He thought he was doing the right then when he finally met her gaze, his jaw slightly clenched. “I want you to go.. and I want to pretend like this never happened… and.” He needed to pause because there was clearly something wrong with him, he was finding it hard to speak his voice shaking, what was this? He couldn’t remember the last time he felt like this. “And…” He repeated, “I want you to pretend like Puck’s the father.” He barely choked out, his insides were feeling the way she looked on the outside.
She shook her head. “No, everyone’s right. I’m a slut. It’s true. And now, I’m the slut who got knocked up.” She said. Her life had gone down the drain by this pregnancy. “They’re going to continue talking about me. Do you know how many fat jokes I’ve heard from people? Too many. It’s not fun. I hate it.” She complained. Sam’s next sentence threw her off. If she was being honest, Puck was great with taking care of her, but he wasn’t the father. It just felt wrong. Over break, even though Sam was a butt head at times, he had his moments. “I know I don’t need to worry but.. I do, okay? I do care about you, Sam, even though it seems like I don’t most of the time. And while Puck has been incredibly helpful.. He’s not the father.” She said to him.
She really did care about Sam. And that scared her. She hadn’t had feelings like this in a long time. So Rachel lived in denial. She told herself it was just because of the baby, and that she couldn’t possibly have feelings for him. If she hadn’t gotten pregnant, she never would have given him a second look. Just like about half of the people she’d slept with in the past. She had sex, and moved on to the next person as if the last one didn’t exist. But now she had these feelings. Rachel decided she hated emotions. “I’ve run out of things to yell at you about. If you really don’t want to be apart of this anymore… I guess you don’t have to.. It’s clear you don’t really want to.. So.. I’ll.. stop forcing you to be a part of this… I’ll give her up for adoption when she’s born, and everyone will think Puck was the father, and it’ll be fine.. We can move on from it.” She said, looking at the ground, feeling as if her heart were crumbling. She just felt like a nuisance to Sam now.
“I should probably go now then.. I.. guess..” She muttered, turning around. She hoped that he would stop her, or something. But knowing Sam, he probably wouldn’t. She let more tears fall down her face, and sighed.
To Sam, Rachel used to be just ‘some slut,’ but she wasn’t that person, not to him anyways. He knew it was as much his fault as it was hers, that night, they were both at fault. From what he remembered he invited her over, not hiding what his true intentions were, he didn’t mean to forget the condom, or what had been going through his mind.. He wasn’t new to this whole concept of ‘sex’ he knew how it worked, condom on good to go, that night something clearly wasn’t clicking. He didn’t know what else to say to her. She was standing there telling him she cared about him, and he couldn’t find the words to tell her that maybe, he might just feel the same way. Did he just sit there, unable to come up with something to say, or avoid her gaze and tell her to leave? He didn’t care about anyone, some day’s he didn’t even care enough about himself. He did care about her though, and their baby, regardless of the choice they made.
Would he feel this way if she wasn’t pregnant? Probably not. Yeah, he’d probably call her a few more times; she was pretty cool before the whole pregnancy hormones kicked in. He wanted to be a part of this, or at least he thought he did. Had she propositioned him with this a few months ago he would’ve gladly walked out, never looking back. Things were different now, he knew he’d have to grow up eventually, and this was defiantly one of those ‘grown up choices’ parents are always going on about. The real question was, was he ready to own up to these feelings or, was he going to pretend as if none of this happened? And go back to who he was.
He realized he’d been pretty quite the whole time, just letting her talk. He didn’t really have anything to say, nothing that he wouldn’t regret later, or prove he had feelings. “I guess, leave if you want to.” He said letting the choice be hers, he felt like it was a lot to take in for one day. She was giving a choice to just walk away from this, let everyone keep thinking what they were thinking as if it never happened for him. It was what he had wanted all along, now he couldn’t do it.
Rachel didn’t know how much longer she could stop herself from crying. This was getting ridiculous. “Ugh, you’re so frustrating, Sam!” She yelled. “You did do a complete one eighty! Over the break you were a completely different person!” She said, thinking about all the conversations they had about the baby, possibly keeping her, forgetting about this adoption plan. But the moment they got back to school, it was as if nothing changed. If Rachel was being honest, it kind of hurt her. “I don’t know why I came over here anymore..” Rachel muttered, her voice cracking. She couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. She wiped furiously at her eyes. “I hate this. Being pregnant. My emotions are insane, and the gossip is horrible. Not to mention everyone calling me a slut behind my back. I mean, yes, I know I get around, but hearing people call me that is just.. I can’t take all of this. There’s so much pressure.” Just one little thing set her off. “And on top of all of this, I have you, playing the hot and cold game.” She told him bitterly. All she wanted to do was smack the asshole out of him. But she refrained from doing so.
Why couldn’t he just tell her to leave? He knew everything she said was true, regardless of how he denied it. When he wanted to be he could be a good person, he kept up this act because… Well he really wasn’t sure why anymore. Maybe it was because he liked being alone. Of course he had ‘friends’, but they weren’t real friends. They had fun together with parties, and what not but they weren’t the type of people you could go to. They more or less just tolerated each other. He didn’t go girlfriends because, he didn’t want to be vulnerable. he watched his friends around him date, the way they became when they dated, how they changed. He couldn’t do that. He watched them go through break ups, he watched his parents go through breaks ups, he didn’t want that. Secretly, he liked having Emma around, yeah she was batshit crazy and got on his last nerve, but there was something about how despite everything he did to her, she was always there. He would never want a real relationship with Emma, god no he wasn’t that crazy, or that desperate.
He didn’t want to she he cry, but he didn’t move to comfort her. Comforting her would be like admitting he cared about her, that maybe somewhere behind this asshole facade he was giving he liked her, and liked having her around. Honestly, he had never planned on changing the way he acted towards her. There last night at his house he had a dream, it was one that scared the living hell out of him. He was married to Rachel, with there kid and he… He liked it. He liked the feeling of it, having a family with her. He was turning into the girl that was the only logical explanation to all of this, tomorrow he’d wake up and his dick would be gone replaced with a vagina. He might as well just kill himself now. She was crying and he didn’t know what to do, it was just the two of them he didn’t need to pretend to keep up this act, he could just comfort her quick and then go straight back to normal, or at least that’s what he convinced himself.
“Rachel..” he said slowly to her. “You’re not a slut.. You made a mistake.. We made a mistake and now we’re both trying to cope with it..” He bit his bottom lip trying to think of something else to say. “You don’t need to worry about me…You don’t really need me, You have Puck…”