any skipping tracks
After much argument and debating, Sam and Rachel agreed on days to interview adoptive parents. This process was hard on Rachel. Since they had to care for Brianna until they picked a family, Rachel was becoming attached to her child. It was hard not to when she spent so much time with the newborn. She was hesitant to take her to daycare while she was in school, she worried constantly. What if something happened to her? God, how was she going to put her up for adoption? If she couldn’t let her out of her sight for a few hours. One thing she could do without was how Brianna woke up in the middle of the night, crying. It stressed Rachel out. She’d started calling Sam whenever that happened, and that was almost every night.
She was surprised that he didn’t just start staying over. She didn’t know what her problem was, but she just felt weird all the time now. It was killing her that she wasn’t going to keep her baby. She just tried not to think about it too much. It was the easiest way. But day by day, whenever she held little Brianna in her arms, she fell more in love with her child. She was hers after all. She knew Sam was growing attached to her too. She could see that by the way he looked at her.
Arriving at the coffee shop, Rachel was quieter than usual. Sam got out first, to get Brianna out of the car. She overheard him talking to her, which she found absolutely adorable. It was just cute how he was around her, and it sure didn’t help with the whole ‘Get over Sam before he can hurt you’ thing she was going with. Because she knew, once they found suitable parents, and got the adoption thing figured out, they’d graduate, and go their separate ways. Just like they’d planned from the beginning. Once they got inside, and sat down, Rachel watched Brianna. Sam was holding her, just rubbing her back. She really wasn’t looking forward to interviewing parents. She just wanted it to be done. It was hard enough to do this.
While they waited, Rachel looked in the direction Sam pointed. “Oh my god. No, I don’t think they are, but if they are… I guess…we decline politely? Let them down easy, I guess..” She laughed. When the social worker arrived, Rachel went silent again, just waiting for the social worker to introduce them to the couple. She stifled a laugh when Sam whispered in her ear. She smacked his arm lightly when they sat at the table. She put a smile on her face, and listened to the two of them speak. They sounded incredibly boring. She tried to pay attention, she really did. But damn. They were super boring. Rachel tried to keep paying attention to Doug and Elle.. But it was hard, with the faces Sam was making at Brianna next to her. And her facial expressions were hilarious, even if she was only a few weeks old. Once they had finished, Rachel smiled quietly at Sam, and looked at her daughter again. She turned her head back toward the couple. “Thanks, we’ll definitely consider it..” She said, shaking their hands.
The next couple… Rachel didn’t even know. Where did they find people like this? The couple seemed to be very… unorganized. And very scatterbrained. Jenny and Ralph. They just looked like they partied a lot. And Ralph owned a club. Rachel felt like if she gave them her baby, they’d forget about her. And Rachel couldn’t have that. Nonetheless, she plastered a fake smile to her face, and listened to them. As soon as they were gone, Rachel looked at Sam, and shook her head. “No. They’d completely forget her existence. I’m not having that..” She sighed. This was harder than she thought it was going to be. She’d found something wrong in every single couple they’d interviewed so far. And they weren’t even done yet. She was sure she was going to find something wrong in everyone they interviewed.
The fact of the matter was, she didn’t want to give up her baby, and she didn’t know if she could. She carried that kid for eight months. She loved Brianna. Already. And Rachel never anticipated that. She figured it would be easy to give her away. She sat back in her chair for a minute thinking. She reached toward Sam, as if she were asking to hold her daughter. Brianna was pretty quiet through all of the interviews. She hadn’t started crying at all, and Rachel was impressed by that. This baby was incredible. She was so special, and beautiful and Rachel truly couldn’t even think about giving her up without dying inside a little bit. Cheesy, yes, but true.
Sam couldn’t agree more with Rachel on the next couple, there was no way Ralph and Jenny were the right parents although Ralph did mention adding them on the list to his club. “Where do they even find these people?” Sam asked in disbelief as the social worker mentioned bringing in the final couple. “This case is a little different than the others.” She said, “but you said you wanted to keep your options open.” With that being said she introduced the next couple, only this time instead of two parents there was just a girl. Sam couldn’t help notice how pretty she was, she had to of been a year or two older than them. With golden blonde hair and enchanting eyes, Sam couldn’t help but think had circumstances been different he’d probably tried hitting on her.
She sat down across from them, clearly the youngest out of all the potential adoptee’s today. “Just like the others I’ll give you a moment.” The social worker said stepping away to let the couple give the one on one. The girl seemed at ease with all of this, she didn’t have that whole nervous air like the others one had, but that was because she was here for an entirely different reason. “I don’t know if you remember me..” She started. “Quinn Fabray, I actually graduated a year ago.” She paused for a moment trying to think of how best to say this. Quinn knew who Rachel was, they dormed in the same hall for a while. Quinn also coincidently knew what it was like to be in Rachel’s shoes. Her freshmen year wasn’t exactly what she had planned it to be. He was older; dangerous everything your mother warned you about and absolutely perfect. Regardless she’d made a choice then she had to live with, and Rachel seemed on the path of making the same one.
“She’s cute.” Quinn said smiling at the small child Sam was holding. Sam just had a dopey expression on his face as she talked, but managed to slur out a “Thanks, I made her.” Quinn nodded raising an eye brow in his general direction and then asked if she could speak alone with Rachel for a minute. He opened his mouth to protest, but then closed it quickly because if a pretty girl told you to do something, you generally just did it. Instead he got up got himself a drink and went over to a different table sitting down with the baby using her as a puppet to amuse himself while the two girls talked.
“I know what it’s like to be in your shoes…” Quinn said smiling at Rachel. “I am interested in adopting your baby, but I think you’re making a mistake..” She wasn’t really in the position to preach about mistakes. She’d gone ahead and placed her child up for adoption, there was no thought involved at the time she thought it was the right thing for her to do. It was like a pain she couldn’t even explain and that was why she was sitting across from Rachel now. Somehow she managed to see Rachel and Sam’s little ad for adoption, and after much convincing on her end she was cleared for the interview.
They’d manage to finally come to some sort of an agreement with dates to meet up with potential parents, and to Sam’s shock they had quiet a few offers. They’d meet with three of them today but no decision had to be made just yet. Despite what he’d previous said about having a baby Brianna was truly extraordinary only a few weeks old and Sam still couldn’t grasp how two clearly messed up people could make something so pure and whole. The more time he spent with her the more he wanted to keep her, he knew it was unhealthy someone else would give her a better life, he had to keep thinking what was best for her. He hated dressing up but Rachel suggested it would be nice if he wore a button down shirt an some dressy pants. He settled for khakis and a nice blue button down, she’d just shove it when it came to shoes there was no way he’d go all out his dirty white converse were fine. He didn’t get why she was so set on trying to impress the potential adopters, they were freaking teenagers trying to find there baby a good home, not realtors selling a house. He went along with it mainly so she wouldn’t’ nag him, between the babies cries and Rachel’s constant nagging he was ready to just about strangle the next person who crossed him.
They were meeting the respected parents in a coffee shop near school, a mutual place. Sam had already given the baby a mini pep-talk while unloading her from the car. “Look, if you don’t like any of these people just throw up on them or start throwing a fit, you like doing that and we’ll find you better parents.” He’d taken to talking to the baby a lot lately, mostly when Rachel wasn’t in a earshot afraid she’d think he had something wrong with him. Regardless of if they were keeping Brianna or not, she was Sam’s first ever child and he figured he’d make the most of it while he could.
They sat down together as a family, he was soothingly rubbing the newborns back. “Do you think they’re the family?” Sam asked pointing to a old looking couple. “No way, they’ are way to old… Brianna needs parents that can keep up with her.. They look old enough to be my grandparents..” but lucky for Sam they walked out of the coffee shop and were not one of the families coming for an interview. The social worker they had previously talked to on the phone greeted them when she arrived, she was there to play mediator between the young couple and the hopeful prospects. “If you’re ready, I’d love to introduce you to the first couple.” Sam nodded and looked at Rachel as they brought the first couple over.
They were in their mid-twenties, and you could tell they were in love by looking at them. Sam looked them over for a few minutes before leaning over to Rachel. “No way.” He whispered to her. “Do you see that guys hair? He probably will spend more time on his hair then being a father to Brianna, No.” He tried his best to keep a hushed tone as he pulled himself away from Rachel’s ear straightening up in his seat. “Uh, so tell us about yourself….”
Sam felt like they were bored to death with the tails of Doug the Dentist and his wife Elle the stay at home Mom. He tried to not let out a yawn as he looked over at Rachel rolling his eyes. He’d checked out of their story about five minutes in trying to amuse the small infant in his lap instead by making funny faces, she let out of a few gargling noises and Sam leaned over to Rachel again once they finished. “Brianna thinks their to boring.” He said looking down at the small child and then back to Rachel.
She just grumbled at him, waiting for her coffee. She was anticipating it, really. She’d been dying for coffee. When he got back with the coffee, she was still bitter about the last name thing. She took the cup from him, and mumbled a thank you under her breath. Taking a sip, she smiled contentedly. It wasn’t the best coffee ever, considering it was hospital coffee, but it wasn’t too bad. Better than no coffee at all. “Know that you only won because my need for coffee was greater than the need to be right… Don’t get used to it.” She muttered, sipping on her coffee slowly. She was getting tired of sitting in this bed. “How long am I stuck here…” She asked, even though she knew she wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. So she got comfortable. She was honestly, really tired. That was to be expected after giving birth, after all. She yawned and sat the cup down on the tray next to her, and laid straight back. She wondered what was going on with Brianna right now. Probably getting shots and being tested and such. She just wanted to hold her again.
“No, I won because I am right.” He said writing it down on the little paper they were given. He tried to recall what the doctor had said over Rachel’s whining. “two to three days.” he said proud at himself for remembering that little tidbit of information. “Are you sure you should be drinking coffee..? Doesn’t you know the baby drink from your uh.. err… Milkbags—, Lady Parts— Fuck it boobs?” He asked serious about his question.
Rachel rolled her eyes at Sam. “It doesn’t sound like a fruit. It sounds like a god damn name to me.” She snapped. “Really, Sam? Avatar? Ugh. I should’ve known. You would pick a name from one of those damn movies.” She said, even though she did like the way Brianna Grace sounded. It was pretty. Even if the name was inspired from a movie that Rachel saw like once. “We’re not giving her the last name Skywalker. That really is dumb.” She dropped her arms, and scooted up. Her legs were numb.”To hell with that.” She said in response to his ultimatum. “I’ll get the damn coffee myself if I have to.” She said stubbornly. She tried, really tried to get out of that bed. But the lower half of her body was not cooperating.”Damn it!” She yelled. She sighed, frustrated, and leaned back against the bed. Her need for coffee was overpowering everything. She sat in silence, debating everything. Sam was right. Brianna Berry sounded weird. “Fine.” She finally said. “Brianna Grace Evans-Berry. How about that? Hyphenate the names.” She compromised. “I just want a damn cup of coffee.”
“Dumb… Did you just say Skywalker was a dumb last name? Who ever are you?” Sam asked with a look of disbelief on his face. “Skywalker is a last name ANYONE would be proud to bare, I’d change my last name to Skywalker if I could.” He said, although in reality he would never. He’d gone through a phase in Elementary were everything was Samuel James Luke Skywalker, a phase his mother would never let him forget and his friends back home often brought up, he was far from cool those days. “Evans, is a fine last name and look if you make it ‘Evan it’s avatar for boy.. Okay maybe that’s not the best example, but children take the father’s last name that’s just how it’s done.” Sam said firmly, she was clearly disinterested in what he had to say, thankfully he stopped talking to let her get a word in. “Evans-berry is perfect.” He said with a cocky grin on his face as he left to find her some coffee, surfacing moments later with the cup in hand. “Here you go.” He said handing it over to her looking triumphant.
Rachel rolled her eyes. “You only think it sounds better because it’s your last name.” She told him. “I think you’re crazy. Brianna Grace Berry sounds so much better.” She said, glaring at him. Clearly, now that the baby was born, they were going back to arguing. Rachel could be very stubborn sometimes. “It’s only temporary, anyway! So why can’t she just have my name? I don’t see the big deal anyway!” She argued. Rachel was starting to get frustrated with Sam. She was easily irritable right now, after all she’d just had a baby not an hour ago. “I’m tired of arguing with you. Brianna Grace Berry. I’m right. Now, make yourself useful and get me some coffee. I’m no longer with child, and I need it.”
“No.” Sam said crossing his arms over his chest being stubborn. “Temporary or not, we are not calling her Brianna Berry do you hear how bad that sounds? It sounds like she’s some sort of fruit Rachel! She’s a baby! not food.. Brianna Evans now.. That’s a real name…” Clearly just wanting to win this fight at this time. “How about we just call her Brianna Grace Augustine for now..” Sam said finding that to be a fitting last name. “It goes well with her middle name, you know like Avatar… It’ll pay homage to Grace… Unless you want to go with Brianna Grace Skywalker..That’s pretty badass too. We can go with any last name and you want to go with your own! That’s so selfish of you Rachel.” Sam said clearly in his own little world of possibly last names. His head perked up out of his daze when she mentioned getting her coffee. “That’s great.” He said, “I’ll get you coffee, but only if we go with one of my last names.” He said making it the deal breaker.
“It really is fitting. I agree.” She nodded. She had to wonder where he got the name from. She wasn’t questioning it, because she had a feeling she’d change her mind. She dropped her gaze when he told her not to get attached. She was already very attached to her baby. She’d always heard about a bond that the parents seemed to form shortly after the baby was born. It was going to kill her to give her baby away. But she had to do it. She just stopped thinking about it. “That’s stupid.” She said stubbornly. “I think she should have my last name. I’m the one who carried her.” She argued. “Therefore, she should have my last name.” She said, finding her argument to be completely logical.
“It’s not stupid, they always take there fathers last name that’s just how it’s done…Brianna Grace Berry is to many b’s anyways, Brianna Grace Evans, now that just sounds ten times better. I’m sure if the baby could form coherent thoughts of her own she’d agree with me.” Sam said like that was logical. “Having the last name berry is like breading ground for bad fruit related jokes, do you want our baby to grow up with those awful jokes?” he asked hard to tell if he was being serious or not.
Rachel quirked an eyebrow at Sam when he spoke. “Grace? That’s a pretty name.” She thought about it. Brianna Grace. It just.. clicked. Rachel laughed. “For a minute there, I considered it.” She confirmed. She rested her head against the pillow behind her, and sighed. Sam’s question was a tough one. They both had to go back to school eventually, and they still needed parents and Rachel’s head was just pounding. She took a minute to think about it. “Oh! Isn’t there a daycare up the street from the school? We could put her in there during the day, and she can stay in my room at night… I’d just have to make sure she gets there in the morning.. And gets picked up in the afternoon. At least until we find her a good home.” Rachel felt like she was talking about a pet. But they weren’t keeping her, so they had to find suitable parents for her. “…She needs a last name.” Rachel said. Of course, being the mother she preferred Brianna having her last name for the time being. But she had the sneaking suspicion that Sam would disagree with her. She crossed her arms, waiting for his answer.
“Yeah, I think the name seems fitting…” It did have a nice ring to it, he wasn’t exactly sure Rachel would feel the same way if he told her why Grace. It wasn’t a family name, and it didn’t have some big thought out reasoning, it was simply the only normal girl name he could think of from Avatar on such short notice. She was seconds away from being Brianna Neytiri or Brianna Leia, both names that would surely be frowned upon by Rachel. “Yeah, I guess we could do that.” Sam said shrugging, it was there only logical choice at this point. “Just don’t get to attached, I see the way you look at her already..” He said thinking the next few weeks were defiantly going to be the hardest. There was no point in giving her a last name just yet, it would only be changed once suitable parents were found. “Well, Evans duh.” He said with no thought towards it. “It’s always the guys last name…”
Rachel looked up at Sam wearily, but ecstatic at the same time. The baby in her arms was perfect. Absolutely perfect. Rachel realized she really needed to stop staring at the baby. She knew she’d get too attached if she kept looking. But she just couldn’t look away. Finally, she did, to look at Sam again. He was looking at the baby in her arms. Just the way he was looking at her made Rachel smile widely. When he asked to hold her, she nodded, and sat up, carefully handing her off to Sam. She sat back, and watched Sam hold her. He looked so at ease. It made Rachel truly happy to see him holding her like that. It brought a smile to her face. She could honestly see herself raising this child with Sam. She wanted to. But they couldn’t. They just couldn’t. She had to accept that fact. A nurse came in explaining they had to take the baby for testing, and whatever else they had to do. Once she and the baby were gone, Rachel looked at Sam. “Well… We did it.. Made it through without killing each other.” She laughed.
Hesitantly he took the small child from Rachel’s arms. Having two younger siblings Sam knew how to hold a child, but holding his siblings felt nothing like this. “Brianna Grace..” Sam said to no one in particular, “So pretty..” He felt like he’d only got to hold her for a second before he reluctantly handing her over to the nurse. “Yeah, I know.” He said making himself comfortable in a chair next to her bed. “There were a few moments there, were I thought you might actually get out of that bed and strangle me.” He said trying to keep there conversations light and humorous, of course that didn’t last long. There were a few questions that were bugging him like, where the baby was going to stay for the time being and, what last name they were going to give it for that time. Sure it was kind of silly to think of giving a last name to a child that wasn’t ‘technically’ their’s forever. but surely this baby wasn’t like Madonna she just couldn’t go around without a last name… or at least that was what Sam told himself. “So, I was thinking…. What are we going to do when ya’kno we have to go back to school and uh the baby err Brianna doesn’t really have parents…?” He asked her.
Rachel couldn’t take her eyes off of the baby girl in her arms. She was so little. And crying. Why wouldn’t she stop crying? Rachel shushed the baby gently. Little baby Brianna. She finally remembered Sam was still there, and she looked at him warily, the smile still glued to her face. She’d apologize later for yelling at him. But for now, she wanted to enjoy the fact that she was holding her own baby in her arms. A baby she was going to be giving up for adoption soon. Once Sam had approached her, Rachel sighed. “Sorry.. for yelling at you…” She muttered. “Look at her… she’s beautiful.” Rachel grinned, wanting to change the subject. “I guess, we’ll have to sit down and make appointments sooner.. Since she’s already here..” Rachel managed to choke out. How on earth was she going to give her up? It broke her heart thinking about it. But it was what had to happen. She knew it was going to be adoption since she got pregnant.
Sam couldn’t understand why she was crying, they weren’t suppose to have any attachment to this child and there Rachel went one look and he could she was already in love their baby. He didn’t want to look to long, but he couldn’t look away only a few minutes old and he could already point out what features she got from each parent. He shook his head as to tell her she didn’t need to apologize, after all she’d just sat through agonizing labor. On Rachel’s request instead of taking awkward sideways glances at the child he looked at her straight on, getting closer to where they two of them laid. “She is beautiful…” Sam said unable to stop himself. Seeing Rachel hold her, it just looked so natural like it was meant to be. He knew they couldn’t keep her, no one in their right minds would let the pair of them raise a child. Looking at her though, she was perfect, he couldn’t spot on flaw. He stared at the child silently for a few more moments reminding himself that adoption was what was best for her. “Hey Rachel… Do you think I could hold her?” Sam finally asked, he told himself he wouldn’t. He wasn’t going to have anything to do with this, he read somewhere that the first few moments of a babies life a bond was made when the parents first held them, he didn’t want anything to tie him back to this he’d been so set, so certain and now he was sitting there asking permission from Rachel to hold their own child.