any skipping tracks
Rachel smiled as she watched Sam with Brianna. He was such a great dad, he really was. She shrugged at his question, trying to play it off, then just gave him a small smile. “Yeah, I guess I kind of missed you.” She told him, reaching out for Brianna, so he could get his bag. “It was definitely weird not having you around.” She admitted. “Did you have a good time at home, then?” She asked. She didn’t want to jump right into the more serious conversation of Sam moving out. She hadn’t exactly gotten a clear answer from him, after their screaming match, they didn’t talk much, just said their goodbyes before Sam went to the airport.
It really had been for the best, they both needed time, and Rachel had tried to get in contact with Matt, and failed. But she was done with that. He’d ended things, he didn’t deserve her attention anymore. Now, she was just focused on working things out with Sam, so they didn’t blow up at each other every once and awhile. She liked Sam a lot. Maybe even loved him. And she was coming to terms with that, she just didn’t want to freak Sam out. So she kept it to herself. Her main focus was her daughter. Raising her, and taking care of her. Like a good mother. And fighting with Sam definitely wasn’t going to help things. “How is your mother? And your siblings?” She asked, genuinely curious.
“You don’t have to lie.” He said jokingly. “It’s okay, you can admit your life was sad and meaningless without me. Isn’t that right Brianna?” He said tickling her lightly. “Brianna says I’m right.” He balanced Brianna on his hip she was currently occupied with his hair petting it. Sam didn’t mind when Brianna did that, she had gone through a phase when she’d grab it and pull the strands out that he minded but for right now she was petting it softly as if it was some sort of pet. “Yeah, It was alright I guess.” He’d thought a lot about what happened between the two of them before he left, he knew the airport wasn’t exactly the place to bring it up, maybe it’d just be one of those things they never brought up again.
“My mom was upset that you and Brianna didn’t come with me.. I’m starting to think she likes you more then me.” Sam said rolling his eyes slightly. “I swear, everything was Rachel this, or Rachel that. She really wanted girls if you couldn’t tell.” Sam said, “I told her we’d all go down there eventually, but we don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Sam said.
It’d been a week since since Sam went home, and it had honestly been the longest week of Rachel’s life. She’d never really spent that much time away from him. And not to mention Brianna shrugging her shoulders at her saying ‘Dada?’ It was adorable, but Rachel didn’t know what to say. It was only a week, and Rachel got to spend time with her dads and Brianna. She had to admit, it was refreshing to have some time to herself. Rachel’s dads absolutely adored Brianna, so she barely had to lift a finger. But she did miss Sam. And she was excited when it was time to pick him up from the airport. Her dads had gone home the night before.
Rachel decided to take Brianna with her to pick Sam up. The only problem was that Brianna was extra fussy today. The entire car ride over, Brianna was screaming her head off, crying. Once she parked, she took a few minutes to calm Brianna down, before carrying her into the airport. Brianna looked all around, at the people surrounding. She squirmed, not wanting to be carried. Rachel set her down, and grabbed her hand. There was no way she was going to lose her daughter in the airport. That’d be irresponsible. She looked through the airport, trying to find Sam’s gate. When she found it, she picked Brianna up again, and held her despite her squirming. “Shhh, we’re waiting for daddy.” They didn’t have to wait too long, because she could see Sam. The airport wasn’t that big after all, they lived in a small town. She approached him, smiling at Brianna the whole time. “Look who it is, Bri! It’s daddy!” She handed her over to Sam. “I think she missed you.” She laughed.
Being gone for a week, felt like being gone for a year. He needed it though, being back home with his mom and brothers was exactly what he needed. It made him realize he couldn’t run from his problems forever. While he was spending time with them, he realized he missed his family. It was a funny thought considering they were his family, but no he missed Rachel and Brianna dysfunctional as they might be they were a family in their own way. He missed waking up seeing Brianna’s smiling face; he even missed Rachel’s violent pokes to the side. It was weird, he took a week to be by himself, and keep them off his mind, yet it was the only thing he could think about.
The plane ride seemed to go on forever, he leaned up against the window closing his eyes falling asleep, and in no time finally he was landing. He went through all the normal airport formalities, found his bag and spotted Rachel and Brianna in an instant. He couldn’t help but smile at the two of them as he approached. If there was one thing he knew, it was that despite the best he tried to convince himself otherwise he was hopeless in love with Rachel Berry. It killed him to admit it, but there was no denying it as he took the squirming child from her arms. “did you miss your daddy.” He asked planting kisses on her face. “He missed you pretty girl.” He said getting a small laugh from her although she still clearly wanted down. “What about you?” he asked Rachel. “Did you miss me?”
Upon hearing Sam’s question, she nodded. “Yeah, I think they were planning on staying for the week…” She looked at him, and bit her lip. She looked away from him, focusing her gaze on the ground. After a few minutes of silence, she nodded her head at him. “I think you’re right. I think some time apart would be good..” She sat in silence for a few more minutes, as if she was deep in thought, but she was really just kind of staring off into space. She snapped back to reality. “So, my dads can help out with Brianna while you’re gone.. It’s just a week, right?” She asked.
“Yeah, it’s only a week.” He said shrugging, he was sure his mother wouldn’t let him stay longer than that, regardless of what he felt now. He knew he couldn’t leave Rachel for too long, after all they had a child together he didn’t want to just abandoned Brianna. He’d feel bad later for leaving her for a week, but right now the thought didn’t even cross his mind. “It’ll be good, for the both of us, promise.” He said not even giving her a chance to answer as he whipped out his phone dialing his mother.
[so like end?]
Rachel shook her head at him. “I-I…” She didn’t know how to explain it. How could she tell him she’d been hiding behind her fear? That she was still hiding behind her fear. He’d make fun of her, she was sure. “You still won’t get it, Sam.. I just, I can’t.” As she was sitting on the couch, she just rolled her eyes at Sam. “I’m glad you are.” She shot back at him sarcastically. “And how exactly did I bring that on myself?” She asked him. “If we’re going to play the blame game again, I could blame you for this. We were fine until last night. You ruined everything. Being an ass.” She muttered at him, even though she knew she didn’t mean it. In a way, she was relieved she and Matt didn’t last this time. She didn’t have to worry about getting hurt as badly as the first time. In fact, the only thing that hurt her this time, was that he didn’t have the decency to break up with her through a phone call, or to her face. It was ridiculous. But she didn’t linger on that. “I’m sorry.. I didn’t mean that. It’s not your fault.”
This wasn’t the reaction he wanted from her, it didn’t feel as good as he thought it was going to, if anything he felt like a dick. He knew it was out of line to take his anger out on Rachel, but it was only a matter of time before he lashed out on her for no reason. He couldn’t stop the feelings he had for her from forming, the more time he spent with her harder it was to ignore them. “Your dads are going to be her for a while right?” He asked in a nicer tone, “I think, I think I’m going to go home, for springbreak and stuff, It’ll be good for the both of us.”
Rachel flinched at his harsh words, not looking at him, afraid that if she did, she’d see that he really did mean it, that he really did hate her and blame her for everything. And Rachel just didn’t think she could handle that if it were the case. She took a few steps away from him, still focused on the ground, until he spoke his next bit. She dared to look him in the eyes, and saw he was truly upset about this. If only he knew the truth. She was simply just afraid. Terrified of her feelings toward him, and she couldn’t act on them. If she did, she’d surely get hurt. And Rachel tried to avoid that if she could. Ever since Matt. And now he was back in her life. If she was being honest to herself, she rekindled things with him to get over Sam. And she just couldn’t. Sam meant so much to her, but she was afraid to admit it. She still couldn’t admit it. It was so much easier to pretend she didn’t care, than to own up, and try to make things work. And now it was all blowing up in her face. This proved to be too much for Rachel, as the tears she was holding back spilled over. She couldn’t even form a sentence to defend her actions, because he was right, in a twisted way.
When he mentioned moving out, Rachel felt like her heart had just leaped up into her throat. “Sam… You don’t have to move out.” She said through her tears. “Please… You really don’t have to.” She just couldn’t admit it, but if he moved out, she’d miss him. She’d miss him so god damn much, it would hurt. Not to mention all the extra travel for taking care of Brianna. She would never dream of taking her away from him. He was her father, and Brianna deserved both of her parents. “I’m-I’m sorry…” She mustered out. “I just.. I can’t act on any feelings I have for you. You don’t get it…” She trailed off, deciding not to tell him. She turned her face away from him, wiping at her tears, and felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She took a deep breath, and turned away from him completely, giving both of them some time to calm down a little, and read the message. It was a text from Matt. She clicked on it, some hope instilled, until it loaded. She read the message over a few times, before it actually sunk in.
I can’t do this anymore… Rachel, we’re done. Sorry. -Matt
She just got dumped via text message, right in the middle of a fight with Sam. Today was really just turning out to be a fantastic day for her after all. So much frustration was built up inside of Rachel at this point. She closed the message, and threw her phone across the room, watching it fall to the ground, and sat down on the couch. “Well, you can be happy now. The douchebag just dumped me.” She muttered at him, at this point, done with arguing. If he wanted to keep yelling at her, he could. She was done.
He was done arguing for now, he didn’t really know what else to say. His chest rose and fell rapidly as he tried to regain his temper, he was well beyond the point of stopping before he said something stupid. He uttered more than a few stupid words to Rachel. He could never hate her, although things would be much easier if he could force himself to do that. It was hard to get over someone, when you lived with them, it was harder to get over someone you didn’t exactly know you were into until it was to late. “I don’t get it?” He asked trying a calming but sarcastic voice. “Well then enlighten me.” He made effort to avoid looking at her in the eyes, knowing he’d made her cry, maybe that was what he wanted. It still didn’t make him feel good about himself. He’d thought there’d be some victorious feeling in making her feel just as bad as he did, yet all he felt was disappointment in himself. Her phone buzzed and then she told him Matt had broke up with her. “I’m thrilled.” Sam said stubbornly crossing his arms over his chest. “You brought that whole thing on yourself though.”
Rachel stood back with her arms crossed, honestly baffled at the conversation. To say she ruined her own life? How dare he even try to say this was all her fault! That was not okay. She opened her mouth, fully intending on defending herself, but the next words out of his mouth shut her up. I hate you. I honestly hate you. Rachel lost any bitchy comment she was going to throw at him. They’d been through a lot, and they fought a lot, but she didn’t hate Sam. She said it before, but she never meant it. And now, he really seemed like he meant it. She just bit her lip, and let him yell. Today was really turning out shitty for her. “I’m sorry, but how exactly is it my fault?!” She screamed at him. If he was going to yell, she’d yell right back. “I’m sorry.. I wasn’t aware I did anything at all! If anything, you fucked it up yourself! If I recall correctly, you’re the one who was acting like a jealous fucker at dinner last night.” She called him out. She refused to let him get away with being an asshole to her when it wasn’t her fault.
She stared him straight in the face when he stopped in front of her. Her gaze dropped however, when he said he hated her again. She stared at the floor, her face heating up, and tears forming in her eyes from the frustration of the situation. ‘….it just sucks her mother is such a bitch.’ At this point, Rachel was pissed off. She would have smacked him, but she couldn’t make her hand work. Everything he was saying was sinking in, and she was just upset. “Trust me, Sam, the feeling is mutual. You’re a fucking dickhead, you know that?” She spat at him.
“You just ruin everything!” He yelled at her, he had no real reason to yell at her. It was just more proof that despite the fact they had a child together, he was still the same angsty teenage boy. “I didn’t fuck anything up; this is your entire fault!” He said still yelling at her, he didn’t care about people overhearing because, it was just whatever. “You don’t get it! This isn’t just about last night, it’s about everything. Why couldn’t you just get over yourself and admit that deep down somewhere you have feelings for me, why couldn’t you just say yes?” He screamed rambling his thoughts out loud. “If this is anyone’s fault, it’s yours. You know how I felt about you Rachel, and you’re with that douchebag. I never forced Rebecca on you, I never made you hang out with us, and I didn’t even want to tell you about her, it just happened that way, and I’m sorry but, I just can’t do this shit anymore. This whole living with you.” He said because logically this all made Sam sense. Somehow in his long rant he managed to skate over the fact she just called him a dickhead. “I’m moving out.” He said in case she didn’t get that from his whole little speech before hand.
Sam had gone out, and Rachel’s dads took Brianna to the park, so Rachel had the apartment to herself, for once. She could have utilized her time wisely, and studied for her upcoming test, but no. She was still trying to get a hold of her boyfriend. She’d called him when they returned from the disaster that was a double date, and he’d ignored the call. She tried a few more times that morning, and he still wasn’t answering. She wished Matt would just answer his damn phone. They needed to talk. And he was avoiding the issue, as always. After awhile, she gave up on this, and decided to attempt to study. She didn’t get to do this for very long, however, because Sam stormed in. She looked up calmly at first, noticing he looked really pissed.
How is it you can single-handedly ruin every good thing in my life?
Rachel raised an eyebrow at him, closing her book as he continued on with his rant.
Everything was perfect until I met you.
Rachel definitely wasn’t expecting that out of him. She stood up, her heart sinking, and tried to say something, but he was still in a rage, saying things way too fast for her to slip a comment in. So she just stood there, letting him shout at her. When it looked like he needed to breathe, she jumped in. “What the hell? I don’t know what brought this on, but I could easily say the same thing to you! I was fine until you walked into my life! You ruined my life just as much as I ruined yours, if we’re going to play that game.” She threw at him, suddenly in a bad mood. She didn’t appreciate getting yelled at out of nowhere. He was seriously being ridiculous. And that was getting on Rachel’s nerves fast. She was glad her dads had taken Brianna out for the day, she didn’t need her daughter to be seeing the two of them fighting.
“Don’t act like I ruined your life.” Sam said shaking his head at her. “You ruined your own life, and you dragged me down with you. I hate you. I honestly hate you.” He said not sure where all of this coming from. He knew he didn’t hate Rachel, he just hoped the more he said it out loud he might start believing it. “Rebecca broke up with me, by the way. Which was entirely your fault.” He said pacing around the room again. “Everything was perfectly fine until she met you, what did you do to her?” He asked stopping to stand in front of Rachel. “I really do hate you.” He said again trying to convince himself. “The only thing that honestly keeps me here is Brianna, it just sucks that her mother is such a bitch.”
“How is it possible you can single handedly ruin every good thing in my life?” Yes,Sam asked as he stormed into his and Rachel’s apartment clearly upset over something. “Everything was perfect until I met you.” He said clearly taking his anger out on her, his morning with Rebecca had not gone well. “you just go around ruining things.” He said pacing around the living room. “And you don’t even mean to, it’s like everything you touch dies.” He said shaking his hands as he talked in aggravation.
Earlier that day:
Things with Rebecca weren’t exactly going the way he wanted them to, things started out between them simple. She knew he had a kid, but still was genuinely interested in him, it wasn’t until she met Rachel that things seemed to take turn for the worst. Of course all relationships had their rough patches, but you had to work and work them out. Sam wasn’t one for rough patches things got rough and usually that was when he’d duck out. He liked simple and easy, relationships that lasted over a month got tricky, he wasn’t one for getting hurt. He refused to get hurt in a relationship that was why they never seemed to last long. With Rebecca he had genuinely tired to make it work, after all he was nineteen with a baby he knew he had to grow up eventually.
So may be this would be the morning when he finally did so, she seemed upset last night, over what? That was beyond him. He didn’t love Rachel he was tired of people assuming that. Yes, he had asked her to marry him but that was last year, she said no and he got over it. He wasn’t going to get hung up on the small things. He was on his way to Rebecca’s fully ready for their talk, whatever he needed to do to put this beyond them and just move forward. He pulled into her parking lot heading to her dorm, she seemed off when she opened the door doing her best to smile at him.
“I almost didn’t think you were going to come.” She said giving him a small smile as she led him inside. She didn’t waste any time getting into the matter of why she asked him over so early. “Sam… Last night was…” She bit down on her bottom lip trying to find the best way to place it but he beat her there a first.
“A total disaster.” He said finishing her sentence. There was no need to sugarcoat it, after she left things quickly fell apart from there. She seemed indifferent to his answer as she gave him a half smile.
“Well yes.” She said shifting uncomfortable on her feet. “I meant what I said last night; you can’t honestly be in a relationship Sam if you don’t know what you want.” She said couldn’t read the expression on his face.
“I want to be with you.” He said fast. “I know what I want, I want to be with you Rachel.” He said closing his eyes as the wrong name slipped out. “I didn’t mean that.” He said but the look she was giving him didn’t seem to believe it. “You, it’s you I want to be with. Please..” He said feeling like an idiot.
“I don’t think it is.” She said looking at the floor because she wasn’t going to cry with him standing right there. “I think you need to go Sam.” She said looking up at him. “and you probably shouldn’t come back here.”
“So that’s it…?” He asked her. “We’re not going to talk about this?”
She shook her head no walking back over to the door. “I think you said enough.” She said opening the door for him.
“So this is it?” He said, “It’s over just like that?” He asked confusion in his voice. She nodded her head repeating him, “Just like that.” She said, and Sam nodded.
He left shortly after, and he couldn’t help but feel mad towards Rachel. He should have been mad at himself, mad that he couldn’t figure out how to make it work, how to be in a relationship but no. He was mad at Rachel. Which lead him to now, storming around there apartment like a five year old who didn’t get his way.
Rachel just decided to let the guys talk. They seemed to forget the girls sitting there anyway. She raised an eyebrow at Sam again, rolling her eyes. She perked her head up a little bit when Sam spoke to Matt again. “Sam!” She said, but shut up when Rebecca called him out. She’d let her deal with that. “And I’d completely agree with her. You two are acting like 12 year olds.” She added in. She could tell Rebecca was done with Sam’s bullshit. When she dragged him away, Rachel turned her attention to Matt. Before she could even begin to chatise him, he started talking. “What the hell Rachel? Why didn’t you tell me you had a kid?” Instead of answering, she looked at the ground, and stayed silent. After a minute or so, she sighed. “That’s not exactly the first thing I tell people. Sorry.” She said simply. “I mean, if I just walked around dating guys and telling them right away I’m living with the guy who knocked me up and my daughter, I’d never keep a relationship going!” She explained. “You two live together?” Shit. She hadn’t meant to say that either. “Yes. It made it easier, taking care of Brianna..” She muttered, still looking at the ground. “This is insane, Rachel, even for you.” Rachel’s head snapped up.
“Excuse me?” She asked, an annoyed tone in her voice. “Why did you keep that from me? Rachel, we’ve known each other since we were 14. I didn’t think you’d keep shit that big away from me.” At this point, Rachel was sure she was going to cry. “I don’t like the fact that you’re living with him. He clearly loves you.” He pointed out, much to Rachel’s shock. “That’s nonsense. He’s with Rebecca.” She said, glancing over at the two, who seemed to be deep in conversation. “He’s most definitely not in love with me.” She said, shaking her head. “Just because we have a child together, doesn’t mean anything.” Matt just shook his head. “This is so fucked up. I didn’t sign up for this.” He said. Rachel just stared off into space. “What exactly did you sign up for then?” She asked. She never got an answer, as Sam was returning to the table alone. She had the feeling Rebecca felt just fine. She sighed. “I have a headache.. I think we can just go… ” She said, clearly upset. Matt nodded. “I lost my appetite.” Before Rachel stood, Matt leaned over, and kissed her for a minute, clearly still putting on the possessive act. When he finally pulled away, he smiled at Rachel, and got up, leaving.
Rachel glanced at Sam, before picking up her purse, and standing up. “Can we just go home now please?” She asked. She didn’t want to think about the conversation she’d just had with Matt.
Sam scrunched his nose up when Matt leaned over to kiss Rachel. “Lovely.” He didn’t exactly like Matt, but he figured that was pretty clear there was no need to vocalize that. He was glad when Rachel said she was finally ready to leave, there was no point in dragging out this double date from hell any longer. He knew it was going to be a bad idea from the start, and the end only confirmed that. “Just so you know.” Sam said as they were walking through the parking lot. “She was really was, feeling sick.” he dug into his pocket fishing out the keys as they approached the car. Once they got in the car, Sam remained silent because there was really nothing else left to say. In fact he continued his act of silence as they got out of the car and back home. He walked inside giving Rachel’s dad’s a half smile, they weren’t exactly his biggest fans, Brianna was already asleep so he really had no reason to start a conversation there. Instead he went straight for room and on to the bed, suddenly exhausted from all of tonight’s activities.
Rachel rolled her eyes at Sam, and returned her attention to Matt. He had this look on his face, and she knew they’d be having a conversation when this dinner was over. The death glares from Rebecca didn’t go unnoticed by Rachel. She just sighed, and shook her head in Sam’s general direction. Rebecca didn’t look too happy, but Sam was too busy antagonizing Matt to realize it. When he spoke again, Matt had completely realized what Sam was doing, and fully intended to play this game too. “I happen to know that Rachel’s favorite is coffee, but for dinner, I think she’d prefer water.” He said to Sam, pulling Rachel toward him a little more. “Isn’t that right, babe?” He asked for confirmation. Rachel just nodded, noting both boys’ behavior now. She and Rebecca shared a sympathetic look, obviously noticing how weird both of them were being. She just decided to be quiet and let the boys fight this out. “I know a lot about Rachel. Favorites, pet peeves, secrets, a lot more too. How much do you know about Rebecca, Sam?” Matt asked, imitating the same tone Sam used with him.
“Oh, sure, I know loads about Rebecca isn’t that right sweetie.” Sam said putting a kiss on Rebecca’s cheek, he didn’t notice the slight cringe Rebecca made when he called her sweetie. “If it’ll get you to stop calling me sweetie, then sure.” Rebecca said taking a sip of her drink that was just placed on the table. Sam glared at Matt shaking his head slightly. “See, I don’t think you do, what is this the first time you two have talked in a year maybe? I mean, she didn’t even tell you she had a freaking child how can you say you ‘know her.’” He said adding air quotes around the word know her. “I’m pretty sure I know more about Rachel then you know about Rachel.” Sam blurted out realizing he said Rachel instead of Rebecca. “Shit.” He added fast. “I meant Rebecca.” Rebecca held an unamused expression on her face. “Samuel, I am about two seconds from asking Rachel if she’d like to get a table away from you two lunatics.” She said no hint of sarcasm in her voice. Sam looked at her confused. “Why, I thought we were having a good time here…?” He asked and Rebecca just rolled her eyes. “Sam will be right back.” Rebecca said standing up and dragging him away from the table for a moment.
Once she dragged him a good distance away from the table Sam stood there with an oblivious look on his face. Rebecca just crossed her arms over her chest look at the floor before saying. “You love her don’t you?” She asked looking up at him. Sam clearly wasn’t expecting that type of question as all the color drained from his face. “What? Who? My Mom? Yes, I love my mom.” He babbled. “Sam, don’t play stupid…” Rebecca said restraining from rolling her eyes. “Rachel, you love Rachel. Or you have this weird obsession with her..” Rebecca bit on the bottom of her lip as Sam tried to process what the hell was going on. “No, I do not love Rachel, I love you, or I think I could love you, why are we having this conversation?” he asked sneaking a peek at Rachel and Matt back at the table. “We should go back there.” Rebecca put a firm hand on Sam’s chest. “No, here’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to go because I can’t stand to sit their and look like an idiot any longer, you’re going to tell them that I felt sick and left.” She waited for him to nod, and say that he understood what she was saying. “And tomorrow morning you are going to come over and we’re going to talk about this.” She said looking him in the eye, he looked like a hurt puppy and it was apparent that no one probably ever dumped him before. “So, are you like breaking up with me?” He asked dumbly. “I don’t know Sam, just come over tomorrow morning okay?” She said kissing him on the cheek before exiting the restaurant.
Sam watched as she left and returned to the table. “Uh, Rebecca felt sick so.. So… she left.” He said sitting back down and resting his head in his hand. “So… Uh.. do we still have to do this?”